fuckingrecipes:

SOME ASS-KICKING TRICKS FOR THE HOLIDAY WHERE JUDO-CHRISTIANS AND PAGANS  ALL FLIP THEIR SHIT OVER WHO THE FUCK IT BELONGS TO!

AND THEN EVERYONE ELSE IS LIKE ‘HOLY FUCK, CALM DOWN GUYS AND SHOVE SOME CHOCOLATE IN YOUR MOUTH HOLE!’ 

DON’T EVEN START WITH ME.

SIT YOUR ASS DOWN AND LETS DYE THE FUCK OUT OF SOME EGGS!

SET UP A DRYING RACK BEFORE YOU START

USING PINS OR VERY SMALL NAILS, AND SOME THICK FOAM BOARD, YOU CAN MAKE A BAD-ASS EGG-DRYING RACK. THIS WAY, YOU WON’T HAVE TO USE THE CARTON AND GET BLOBBY STAINS AND SHIT ALL OVER YOUR CREATIONS!

USE STICKERS TO MAKE COOL PATTERNS

FUCK THIS SHOULD BE SELF-EXPLAINITORY! BEFORE YOU DIP THOSE SMOOTH ASSHOLES INTO THE DYE, SLAP SOME STICKERS ON THEIR ASS. TAKE THE STICKERS OFF AFTER ALL THAT SHIT DRIES. 

USE A WHITE CRAYON TO DRAW YOUR OWN DESIGNS

CREATIVE ASSHOLES CAN DRAW OR WRITE SWEET-ASS THINGS ON THE SHELL BEFORE DIPPING THEM INTO THE DYE. THE WAX WILL REPEL THE WATER/DYE AND MAKE YOUR DRAWINGS STAND OUT LIKE BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLIES THAT ARE SIMPLY TOO PRECIOUS FOR THIS WORLD. 

WANT TO SERVE GUESTS EGGS WITHOUT FORCING THEM TO CRACK OPEN THEIR OWN SHIT?

DYE THE ACTUAL EGGS!

CRACK THE SHELL, AND SQUEEZE THE EGG OR ROLL IT ON THE COUNTER TO CRACK THE SHELL FURTHER. CRUNCH CRUNCH MOTHERFUCKERS! 

NOW DIP THE EGG IN THE DYE AND LET IT DRY ON THE STAND. WHEN YOU PEEL IT BEFORE YOUR GUESTS ARRIVE, YOU SHOULD HAVE SWEET-ASS CRACKLE DESIGNS ON THE ACTUAL DELICIOUS BITS. 

REMEMBER- 

DONT FUCKING DROP YOUR EGGS INTO THE DYE!

LOWER THEM GENTLY WITH TONGS OR A WIRE HOLDER OR SOME SHIT! THEY’RE DELICATE ASSHOLES AND NEED TO BE SHOWN RESPECT!

OH, AND THE SWEET DESIGNS THAT YOU SEE IN THE TOP IMAGE? THAT’S CALLED ‘MARBELING’

YOU DYE YOUR EGG LIKE NORMAL, DIP IT VERY BRIEFLY INTO SOME DYE, LET IT DRY.  DABBING IT WITH CRUMPLED PAPER TOWEL WILL MAKE SOME MOTHERFUCKING ANGELIC DESIGNS.. 

WITH 1 CUP OF WATER/DYE, ADD 1 TEASPOON OF OLIVE OIL. 

LOWER THE EGG INTO THE MIX, THEN PULL IT OUT AFTER A FEW FUCKING SECONDS AND SET IT ON YOUR RACK OF PAIN! LET THE EGG SUFFER OVERNIGHT AND THE DYE WILL BECOME A RICHER COLOR. 

LAUGH AT THE FACES OF YOUR FRIENDS WHEN THEY ARE AMAZED AT YOUR EGG-DYING SKILLS!

REJOICE AND STUFF YOUR FACE!

  easter